Sunday, July 3, 2016

Me and my life

What is this about getting older, being settled, maybe with a long-term job, a house, a family, and feeling that life is just an endless list of chores, of predictable, necessary maintenance tasks? An endless repeat of getting up, clean your teeth, make coffee, feed the dog, the kids, the husband, start work, come home, cook dinner, do the dishes, clean your teeth, sprinkled with mow the lawn, go grocery shopping, do laundry,  go for a run and wash your hair.

When you are young, everything is exciting and in flux, and you don’t know where you end up next. A new job? A new city? A new relationship that can turn into permanent. A new baby! Another one! Each step is exciting and potentially a big change. So much uncertainty. But once you are settled, the uncertainty evaporates. It all seems like an endless repeat, on autopilot. Being support staff of life, where life and its demands has us, instead of the other way around: where we are the majestros of life, and everyone else playing the music. What if you don’t have someone to play music for you? Or they drag their feet about playing music you like?

Maybe, I am just approaching midlife crisis mode.

I can understand that people try to break the routine by slithering into an affair to bring the fun back. To not feel like a mule of drudgery. Because sometimes even the thrill of having too many shoes loses its magic.

Maybe, it is just attitude. Life does not really change, but a change of attitude and approach can make it look very different.  I guess the question is ‘who is the mule and who is the rider?’ If I feel like the mule, life sucks. But if I take the position as a rider, I have more decision power, I can decide on the course, the tempo, the stops, the breaks. I can even kiss and snuggle the mule and be grateful that it carries me in the first place, day in, day out, and gives me such a great ride. Even if I ride in a circle.  I am riding. I am living.

Happy July 4th!

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